Sometimes I'm not the man I want to be

One day this past school year, I was sitting in my friend's car in a parking lot on campus. I saw someone in a wheelchair (can't remember if it was a man/woman, young/old) and they seemed to be having a hard time - the road was grading uphill. I wanted to go over to them and push them, but I figured they'd get angry at me for "pitying" them. So I just sat there.

Another day I was driving in the rain and saw a man walking on the side of the road. I wanted to pull over and give him a ride so he wouldn't have to walk in the rain, but I have this paranoia about picking up murderous hitchhikers (as does almost everyone else, I'm assuming) - so I drove on by.

One day I saw a couple arguing on the sidewalk. I had no idea what they were fighting about, but I still wanted to go over and try and help, like moderate the debate in a way. But they'd probably yell at me for butting in on their lives, so I walked on by. Maybe if I had intruded, they would have forgotten their momentary hate for each other and united it against me, and in turn that would've helped them out, somehow.


Another day I saw a woman sitting on a bench on campus, looking very distraught/downtrodden. I wanted to sit down and console her, give her someone to talk to, remind her of the good things in life. Instead I just walked on by. I figured she wouldn't open up to a complete stranger anyways.

One day an old war veteran came through my line at Kroger. He was buying his groceries with a food stamp card, but he didn't have enough money on the card so it wouldn't go through. My supervisor came over and told him there was nothing we could do, and that's when he started pleading with us - I need this food, I don't have much in my house and don't have any cash. I offered my life for this country dammit, why is it so damn hard for me to live in it? - he had tears in his eyes at this point. My supervisor kept saying we couldn't do anything for him. He eventually left, and the supervisor said he was probably just trying to get free groceries out of us by pulling the "ol' war vet card". His order was only 30 bucks or so, and I had the cash in my wallet. I wanted to buy his groceries for him. But I didn't. I can't even remember what I spent it on now.

"the funniest guy she knew"

This is a conversation I had with my sister via text messages.

Me: Is it possible to place cameras in my eyeballs and be able to take pictures with them by thinking a certain phrase? (sent to Facebook as status update)
Sis: I thought about putting cameras in my eyes cuz all the pics i take never do what my eyes see justice.
Me: Haha ive always wanted to do this. Id give them to my dog too, but id have to have some sort of remote so i could turn it on and take stop-motion pics lol.
Sis: Haha i wish they could really do that. Still pics and video :) then i could show everyone all these weird ufos i see all the time - my camera cant see at night :(
Me: Yeah thats a dilemma haha
Sis: Suxs. But then everyone could see what i saw. the ultimate "in her shoes"
Me: Haha youd have to change it to "in her head"
Sis: Haha true. True
Me: True blood. Bloody mary. Mary without a sound. *what has search overload done to us?!*
Sis: Hahahaha omg. its called bing. and youre done. Bing.
Me: Bing. Sing. Sting. Jerry Seinfeld.
Sis: .....
Me: It works, sting was in a movie with jerry seinfeld.
Sis: Sure it does.....lol i wouldnt know
Me: Bee movie
Sis: Ah. I always forget about that lol
Me: Yep. Watch your step, i dont want you to trip on that knowledge i just dropped
Sis: Lmao...i love you haha
Me: Love ya too
Sis: You crack me up :)
Me: Thats always good to hear lol
Sis: Lol you always crack me up. Youre the funniest guy i know
Me: That settles it. Thats whats gonna be on my tombstone. "the funniest guy she ever knew". and just that, not even my name haha
Sis: Ill accept that :) that and calvin and hobbes' pic. Itll confuse the hell outta ppl
Me: Haha nice touch
Sis: *bows* thanx :)

[post composed listening to "Queen of Hearts" - RIBS]